im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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