His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
