3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I touched a dick in church today
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
