You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
