My room smells like vodka and shame
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
