Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
