I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
