Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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