Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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