i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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