that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
