you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
