And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
