I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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