did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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