Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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