did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
