If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
