So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
