im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
