Can Purell be used as lube?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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