I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
