about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
