Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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