All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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