I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
