I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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