I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
