Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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