Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
