Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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