He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My balls are so social today.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
