i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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