i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize