I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
