All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
