I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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