Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
