If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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