your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
