that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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