The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize