It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
pray to the hookup gods
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
