ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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