There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
