I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize