Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
that may or may not have been my penis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
