Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
