Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
