So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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