Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
