Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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