Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
