For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
