What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
