Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
