She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize