did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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