my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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