Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
