Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
