i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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