I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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