I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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