I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
