I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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