i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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