Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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