Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
