he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
