whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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