apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
