can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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