he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
