On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
