You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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