Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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