The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
