i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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