i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
