I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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