you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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