the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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