He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm too high and old for this...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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