I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
