Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize