the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize