just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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