You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
