Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
