A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mom said you looked used
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
