Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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