Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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