i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize