We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
