I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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