And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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