Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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