I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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