My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
