return my video game
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
