for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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