sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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