I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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