it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
