Your face is a jimmy john
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
