But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize