it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
