nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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